Santa baby.

This year is actually the first year that I just have no idea how to answer the never ending question of the season.

"What do you want for Christmas?"

The first thing that comes to my mind everytime someone asks me this is something for Slade. Funny how we change when we become parents. Instead of taking time to think of something I would want for myself from Santa, my mind immediatly starts going over all the things Slade needs, or things that I want HIM to have.

So I thought, well it wouldnt hurt to write a letter to Santa and be a little greedy right? I mean its not like anyone is going to see it but yous guys. SO, having said that, by popular demand. My letter to the big guy.

Dear Santa,

Its been a while since I have asked you for anything. But I guess you know that, being you and all. I like to think that I have been a pretty good girl this year. I mean other than the whole having-a-child-out-of-wedlock thing. But Im sure we can overlook that and see the good in me hmm?? I mean, I must say, I have been a spectacular mother. So that helps.

To be honest Santa, I havent even taken the time to think about what I want. Material things that is. I can think of a few things that I want more than anything. But to be brutally honest, Im not sure if you can bring me those. Dont get me wrong, youre all powerful and magical. But I'm not sure even your magic could work this time.

So would Megan like to have this Christmas? Well, lets see if I can name a few.

- I would really like a new purse Santa. Preferably the Guess one I saw in the Victorias Secret catalogue. Its way out of my "self" budget. So that would be great for you to score that one. It would give you many brownie points in my book.

- If you can see me when Im awake like you say you can, you know I am in dyer need of a vehicle. Any nice car would do. Maybe that little ford focus I have been eyeballing? That would suffice.

- I would also like to have a few pairs of really good jeans. Some that are long enough to fit my legs for days? Some that I could wear heels with and not look like I am waiting for a flood.

- Boots. I have been eyeing these for a while Santa. Trying to figure out where in the world I would go that I could wear a pair of beautiful leather boots. But the truth is, I dont think you have to have an excuse to wear great shoes. So using that logic, Santa, bring on the shoesies.

- Oh, a new camera would be quite lovely. A BIG one. With a BIG lens. yea. I want one-a-dem.

- A year supply of Full Throttle. Too much? ok well maybe a month supply would be fine.

And I suppose just mentioning the REALLY big things wouldnt hurt right? Maybe you can pull some strings and help out someway somehow? I mean you do make it around the ENTIRE WORLD in one night, so you gotta be pretty freakin magical? (pardon my french).

- Do you think maybe, just maybe you could try to bring him back? Make things the way they were not long ago? I miss it. I miss him.

- If you cant bring him back, do you think you could just maybe take away the heartache so I dont have to feel it?

Oh, and Santa? Give all my lovely readers what they wish for too.

Have you guys all written Santa letters yet??

Have a bitchen day lovers.

m

Retail therapy.

Needless to say, I am having a bad week so far. So I decided to treat myself to some retail therapy. Well, the type of retail I can reach via internet while at work.

And this is what I came out the other end with.

Wet seal $25.50

Forever 21: $26.50.

I have my company Christmas party next weekend so I am hoping that they come in before then. I am going to pair the jacket with a black tunic and grey tights. Then add those fabulous foot notes to top off the whole thing. Im pumped. I feel a little bit better now. Just a bit.

I hear you breathing in.

Looks like rain.

Let me start off by saying, I dont even understand why I put energy into dating or men in general. Seems like no matter how hard I try or how much I think that maybe THIS time it will work, I always have the same ending to the same story. Heartache.

I so sick of spending time feeling like this. Cant I ever catch just the small inkling of a break people? I mean come on! Is it THAT hard to for once get what you want out of a relationship, or even to have a freaking relationship at that? I spend more time feeling the heartache than I do feeling the bliss.

Why all the poor poor pitiful me jibber jabber? Let me enlighten you.

I, stupidly, sent Nash a text last night. This is how the convo went down.

ME: So can I just ask you one question?

NASH: Sure

ME: Did you meet someone else?

NASH: Hold on Im driving.

ME: Ah. Alright. Enough Said.

NASH: What do you mean. I didnt meet anyone. Im drving and its hard to text.

ME: No it has nothing to do with you driving and not being able to text.

ME: Im sorry. Just forget I even said anything.

And that was it. No reply. Nothing. Silence is all I got in return.

I woke up and couldnt help but feel like I ruined it. "Way to go meg. Shot down another one" is actually what went through my head a few times.

Someone told me yesterday that I should go with my gut feeling ont this one. Because your gut is usually never wrong. And my gut is telling me that there is someone else.

 Damn you gut. Be optimistic why dont you?

Im at a loss. I should have never said anything to him last night. I should have just let it go and see where it led me. Instead I probably ruined things. He probably sees me as a crazy girl now. Conjuring up situations in her head and believing they are true.

All I want to see is his name on my phone. I want to see the sweet "Hey lovely" that I get from him in the mornings.

But Im afraid I wont be seeing those anymore.

Its a rainy, dreary day today. Fits doesnt it?

"Looks like raint tonight. Thank God, cause a clear sky just wouldnt feel right."

- Sara Bareilles

I tried to find the tunage I wanted for today and I cant find anywhere that has a widget for the song.

Its called "Odds of being alone"- Trent Dabbs and Amy Stroup. It was on One Tree Hill on Monday.

You can find it and listen if you are interested. Its amazing.

Happy hump day to you loves,
m

That sinking feeling.

What a fabulous effing start to today.

So I am going through my morning routine right? Get to work, clock in, check work email, then check all my sites, facebook, blogger, etc. I get on facebook and I see Nash's status from last night. "Cant wait for friday to get here" and under it, a comment from a girl I have been seeing a few things from on his page. Her comment said " im ready for tuesday to get here =]" Like seriously?

Its not just that comment that I have seen from her to him. I have seen other things that leads me to believe that they talk prrretty often.

When I read that I felt my stomach drop to my knees and my heart had a sinking feeling. It might sound to all of you that I am overreacting to it. But there is more points of the story that I have left out. Over the weekend and still to this moment I have barely talked to him. I asked him Friday night, after a few too many, if he wanted to be with me and he answered "of course I do".

I just dont know what to think. I mean I know we arent like official or anything but there were many "Im yours. Youre mine" and " I just want to be with you so bad" convos had. I dont get it.

And maybe I am overreacting. Maybe I am just so used to being rejected and having my heart broken that at the first sign of something that could have the potential to even seem like it is going to hurt me I freak out.

I know I am sounding like a psycho right now, Im sure thats what you guys are thinking at least. You just have to realize all I have been through in the past when it comes to relationships. I mean if you read my post about all my previous suitors, you know quite well that my love life has been nothing but low points with pretty much every guy I have dated. I dont seem to have much luck with love. And this time I really thought I was going to be happy. That I was actually going to get everything I wanted. That everything in my life, for once, was going to be happy. I guess I jumped too far ahead of myself thinking that I was actually going to be a lucky girl this time.


Oh well, I guess only time will tell.

Until then, Lata lovers.
m

So gangsta, Im so thug.

OH-EM-GEE yall. I had literally THE best slapsgiving Thanksgiving. EVER. Seriously, in my whole 21 years of life I have never had a better time with my family. We drank good beer, ate fantastic food, dominated an orange glazed 25 pounder turkey, told bad jokes while freezing our asses off on the porch, and took horribly drunken pictures.

 I could not have asked for a better weekend.

{ Mommy and baby Slades first Thanksgiving together}

{ Slade's cute little outfit}

{He was gettin lotsa lovins. I love his face in these}

Then the drinking began, as did the board game of "Who Wants to be a Millionare."

{ The million dollar question was "What color is a polar bears skin?" Do YOU know?}

Meanwhile, my aunt and I were over at the counter-top playing a good ol'fashioned game of quarters.

{I think we found our "drinking buddy" soulmates in each other}

Then, little miss Megan wandered around the table and proceeded to snap drunken pictures.

{While baby's asleep, mommy will play}

{best cousins, best friends}

{my aunts drunken smile cracks the hell outta me}

{ I'm not entirely sure who was the taker of this here picture}

The drive home the next day was a bit cloudy. Head was pounding, ate a big ol' greasy burger from a mom and pop fast food joint and started to feel a little bit back to normal.

{ hung-over and backseat=not a good combo}

I must mention, this little concoction was a life saver ALL weekend long. As not much sleep was had in the room of Megan and Slade. Slade did not like sleeping in a different place. NOT ONE BIT. So this little guy down here- MY HERO.

{Im officially addicted}

BUT, after re-energizing, Slade and I had a photo sesh.

{he eats the camera UP}

{I'm your biggest fan...}

{papa-paparazzi}

{too much fun mom, get outta my face}

 Needless to say, I had way too much fun and took way too many pictures.

I knew the trip was going to be fun, it always is when the whole family gets together, but I had no idea it was going to turn out to be the best Thanksgiving to date. There was never a dull moment. I would relive every single moment, hang over and all to have these memories.

How was yall's weekend? I hope you had as much if not more fun with your loved ones!!

{the weirdness that is myself}

Well lovers, I know this post was probably just about the epitomy of drive me crazy with pics, but what can I say, I wanted to share the craziness I call family.

TUUUUUUUUNNNNAAAGGGEEEE:

I know I know I know, I already have this in the big player at the bottom. What can I say, this song was literally the soundtrack to my weekend. Cause it was in my head seriously the ENTIRE weekend. I walked around singing "so gangsta Im so thug, youre the only one Im dreaming of you see" and " like a virgin, youre madonna" I shit you not.

Have a fab monday lovers,

m

catch up tunage.

Lord have mercy, Im slacking on tunage. Please forgive me.

I'm gonna hit you double today.

Happy Thanksgiving lovers.
m