Looks like rain.

Let me start off by saying, I dont even understand why I put energy into dating or men in general. Seems like no matter how hard I try or how much I think that maybe THIS time it will work, I always have the same ending to the same story. Heartache.

I so sick of spending time feeling like this. Cant I ever catch just the small inkling of a break people? I mean come on! Is it THAT hard to for once get what you want out of a relationship, or even to have a freaking relationship at that? I spend more time feeling the heartache than I do feeling the bliss.

Why all the poor poor pitiful me jibber jabber? Let me enlighten you.

I, stupidly, sent Nash a text last night. This is how the convo went down.

ME: So can I just ask you one question?

NASH: Sure

ME: Did you meet someone else?

NASH: Hold on Im driving.

ME: Ah. Alright. Enough Said.

NASH: What do you mean. I didnt meet anyone. Im drving and its hard to text.

ME: No it has nothing to do with you driving and not being able to text.

ME: Im sorry. Just forget I even said anything.

And that was it. No reply. Nothing. Silence is all I got in return.

I woke up and couldnt help but feel like I ruined it. "Way to go meg. Shot down another one" is actually what went through my head a few times.

Someone told me yesterday that I should go with my gut feeling ont this one. Because your gut is usually never wrong. And my gut is telling me that there is someone else.

 Damn you gut. Be optimistic why dont you?

Im at a loss. I should have never said anything to him last night. I should have just let it go and see where it led me. Instead I probably ruined things. He probably sees me as a crazy girl now. Conjuring up situations in her head and believing they are true.

All I want to see is his name on my phone. I want to see the sweet "Hey lovely" that I get from him in the mornings.

But Im afraid I wont be seeing those anymore.

Its a rainy, dreary day today. Fits doesnt it?

"Looks like raint tonight. Thank God, cause a clear sky just wouldnt feel right."

- Sara Bareilles

I tried to find the tunage I wanted for today and I cant find anywhere that has a widget for the song.

Its called "Odds of being alone"- Trent Dabbs and Amy Stroup. It was on One Tree Hill on Monday.

You can find it and listen if you are interested. Its amazing.

Happy hump day to you loves,
m