Before I had Slade, I was literally a completely different person. All I wanted to do was get drunk and hook up. Seriously, thats it. I had a job, the same one I have now, but I spent all my extra money on booze. I was constantly in the red in my bacnk account, and my car got repoed. I had an apartment with my best friend, that turned into a trash hole, and that eventually we couldnt afford to keep. I have had very few "boyfriends" and a very high number of "randoms". I would just get drunk and sleep with whoever kept getting cuter with the more beers I had. Suprisingly enough, never got pregnant with any of those "randoms", thank God. But I always felt horrible the next morning, and Im not talking about "did anyone get the tag number of the fucking bus that hit me" bad, Im talking I lost respect for myself the more people I gave it up to. Im far from proud to be revealing all this, but its part of my past and like it or not, our pasts mold the present person we have become. I may not be proud of that girl I used to be but I am damn proud to be this girl, the one I see now.
I might not have the self confidence from time to time but I know that I am a strong woman and a fantastic mother. Thats all that matters. I can honestly say that the people that used to matter to me, dont anymore. The people I thought would be around forever arent. and Im more than ok with that. The people that are around, though far and few, are the ones that should matter and that really do. I am more loved and respected now than I have ever been in the past. And I actually respect myself. I am genuinly happy with my life and how it has turned out so far. Though there might be a few things I wish I could be improved, I cant remember a point in my past that I was this happy and content with things. I am starting to really discover myself and the person I am and that I can be, who I am meant to be.
As promised, daily tunage:
leavin you with love,
M
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